you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
nutella sex= disaster
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
