dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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