Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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