What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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