So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
