We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
