I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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