girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
