Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
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