I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
