There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
