Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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