i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
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he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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