are you still at the devil's house?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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