i permit you to call me
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
