i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
