i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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