Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
