hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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