Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
