Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
