Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
vagina is talking i cant
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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