alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
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