We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Sext me about skeletons
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
