i jhust puked up my retainher.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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