can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
