I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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