Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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