I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
