My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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