his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
