they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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