It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
