I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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