I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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