I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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