can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
