i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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