yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
