is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
