I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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