In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
