Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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