My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm sobbing to NWA
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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