i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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