why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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