If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
