I'm really into asian looking animals
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
