I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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