He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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