I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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