i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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