How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
