His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
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