i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
