Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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