You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
