I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You are a genius and a whore.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
