Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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