His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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