My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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