Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
