My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
