she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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