did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize