i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
