dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
