Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
