shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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