Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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