Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
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In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
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You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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