WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
My ATM looks so different sober.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
