Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
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