I have demons in me.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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